Two truths and a 'try'
On volunteering and the practice of care
I have a confession: I’m already behind on February’s goal of weekly volunteering. So much for public shaming as a method of accountability. I skipped my shift simply because I stayed up past my bedtime on a Saturday and woke up to a rainy Sunday.
These are bad excuses. I’ve never claimed to be stronger than my selfish and fleeting whims, but I was committed to making February all about the practice of care. And I wanted that care to extend beyond my family and friends1.
There’s a strange conundrum about altruism. You leave your volunteering shift tired but spiritually sated, proud of the tiny value you brought to the world. And that feeling becomes your benefit. You are the giver, but you also gain something from it.
When I was reading The Way to Love earlier this month, I was struck by Anthony De Mello’s definition of holiness (or goodness, if that word feels more comfortable for you). He describes it as unself-conscious in nature. He remarks that the moment you become aware of your virtue, “it goes sour and becomes self-righteousness.”
There’s a particularly perverse irony here: ego motivates but also taints the act of service. You can’t have one without the other.
I’ve also found it fascinating how the more effort you bring to service, the more disconnected you might come away from it. I’ve worked in nonprofits long enough to know that you can leave feeling disoriented, questioning whether your work amounted to any value. It’ll mess you up!
So what’s the simple lesson to pull us (read: me) out of this existential spiral? Maybe it all boils down to two truths and a ‘try’:
To do good does not make you good.
You can’t control how much good comes out of it.
Try to do good anyways.
Here’s to trying.
🤝A different kind of list: places to volunteer 🤝
Homegrown & crowd-sourced recs. If you have a org you’d like to promote, fill out this form!
Manhattan: prepare tasty, healthy meals with EVLoves NYC
I love this place. Makes me believe in the power of grassroot orgs.
Washington DC: build playgrounds for kids with KABOOM!
I volunteered back when I lived here and had a fabulous day!
Philadelphia: mail books to people in prison via Books Through Bars
Read their letters and send them the books they’ve requested!
Boston: support women who’ve experienced sexual violence at BARCC
My bestie thinks the world of this center!
Miami: make PB&J sandwiches for the homeless at St. Augustine Church
Where I completed my high school service hours!
LA: plant trees with the Koreatown Youth + Community Center
My friend likes how neighbors are involved in the process so trees can thrive!
Durham: help the elderly with their healthcare options via Senior PharmAssist
Support seniors who lack caregivers nearby…so sweet and so essential!
San Francisco: participate in a neighborhood cleanup with TogetherSF
I may have inspired a friend to check it out herself!
New Orleans: become an advocate for kids through CASA NOLA
My friend says that while it’s a big commitment, it’s worthwhile!
Chicago: help distribute food at the Pilsen Food Pantry
Volunteered this past Sunday… a nice community of regulars who really care!
PLUS!
🎧 3 things I listened to: I tuned into Playboi Farti and his AI Homework Machine for the episode title alone. Why is Amy in the bath? is a funny but idiosyncratic podcast on Amy Adams’ relentless quest for an Oscar. Lastly, a worthy work plug: Alternate Realities. I heard this pilot almost exactly a year ago and knew we had to make this show. I’m glad it’s out in the world.
📽2 things I watched: Nickel Boys is a gripping film…a bit disorienting at the beginning, but it comes together with a spectacularly haunting ending. I also caught the Oscar animated shorts: highlights include a tween-age romance, magic gumballs and a claymation apocalypse.
📚 1 thing I read: Our book club selected My Year of Rest and Relaxation because we needed an excuse to wear our kaftans together. As usual, I found critical praise for this novel on Y2K nihilism to be overblown, but it gets at some provocative ideas about how we numb ourselves.
Though, the mother of my high school friend believed that the best way to practice care started and ended at HOME. She had a particular quip about Mother Teresa: “ella era la luz de la calle pero una oscuridad en la casa.”
Proud to be your former ethics professor!
(We dream of our students growing into this depth of reflection 😊)